It’s rude to discuss your salary at work
Dress warmly or you will catch a cold.
And
Respect your elders.
If you worry about being a narcissist, you are not one. A narcissist would never introspect like that or care.
False. If you suspect narcissistic personality disorder, it is completely valid and you probably need to research the vulnerable side of it or the covert side of it.
Grandiose is the one with an inflated-ego, the famous one, and the DSM-5 describes mostly the grandiose narcissist. Vulnerable is the one where you feel like a misunderstood outcast or a victim of others, maybe even like a “stupid piece of shit” (quoting Bojack Horseman) that possibly deserved your hardships in life.
People with NPD or NPD traits can oscillate between different levels of these two presentations throughout their lives.
Overt is when you show that in ‘public’ (either grandiose or vulnerable). Covert is when nobody knows or can confirm you feel this way (either grandiose or vulnerable), it’s more of a secret.
In recent years, I’ve met people with undiagnosed NPD later confirmed and a person with diagnosed BPD with not enough narcissistic traits for a diagnosis, but some important ones there. That’s only to exemplify that it is not uncommon. I’m glad they were curious and open.
It’s crazy to think that a whole diagnostic category and clinical spectrum is in the shadows because of that myth: “you wouldn’t be thinking about it”. Of course you would, person receiving that “advice”, you are not an idiot and I’m sure you are noticing something about yourself. You deserve to know if it’s NPD or some other thing, and to get help and to feel better about your life.
“Crime doesn’t pay”
Tell that to the companies which get a few million in fines for stealing tens of millions in wages.
Crime doesn’t pay when you’re not protected by privilege and status.
Idk man I’ve been making pretty good money out of growing weed and am not protected. Even with the occasional bust, it’s still a net plus.
Old & busted: do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
New hotness: do unto others as they would have you do unto them.
- Money doesn’t buy happiness. YES IT DOES
- Everything happens for a reason. Yeah sure and the reasons are because of someone’s action or inaction. There is no all knowing benevolent deity effecting things in our lives.
I always say money doesn’t buy happiness, but it is a prerequisite. Starving homeless people don’t have a lot of opportunity to seek whatever makes them happy.
Money buys stability, not happiness. The second you get savings you start worrying about it. The more money you get the bigger prick you seemingly become. It’s like the second you can afford a BMW the switch flips to being a public asshole. Get the high score and you get to be an absolutely miserable billionaire. Show me a truly happy billionaire whose jollies don’t come from hurting everyone around them.
No… it buys me all types of happiness.
I’d say that people often misunderstand the “Money can’t buy happiness” thing. I think the saying should be “Money BY ITSELF can’t buy happiness.” Happiness is bought by being smart with the resources you have. There are happy poor people and miserable rich people because even though money helps, it’s not the main deciding factor as to whether or not you’ll be happy, it’s your decisions and personal mental framework.
Below a certain threshold, it is a big deciding factor. Doesn’t matter your outlook if you can’t afford to go to the doctor, or eat healthy foods.
Everyone returns to their baseline happiness 3 months after something big happens, but when you’re poor, hard things happen more often than every three months.
“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”. Your silence in the face of injustice is what enables abuse.
Yes! All that civility and decorum training. I’ll add to yours “Don’t speak ill of the dead.”
Stops people from learning about intergenerational trauma and fascists/terrorists in the family. Sure, my grandad was wildly abusive to his daughters and disgustingly racist about black people in Nova Scotia, Canada (the ones in Jamaica are fine btw). But he’s dead now so “we don’t talk about that.” Totes cool to mention his army medals tho.
Yeah and now people cant handle a reality check, and I’m the asshole for giving one rather than reflecting on what they did wrong
Peeing on a jellyfish sting. It doesn’t do anything, except maybe humiliate a person who’s already in pain.
That’s my kink.
Some people will pay for this service…
Is this really common advice?
“Buy experiences, not things”
The rationale isn’t exactly wrong for the comparison, but it smuggles in an underlying assumption that it’s reasonable and normal to be spending all your available money in an effort to be happy. Money is way more useful for reinforcing your continued survival and freedom than for anything else and the idea that it’s good for regulating your emotions beyond that is a deception geared towards keeping consumer spending up.
I was also never sure how to separate “things” from “experiences.” Is a fancy cocktail while I’m on a beach vacation a thing or an experience? If I buy a new table saw for my hobby woodshop is that a thing or a experience?
We don’t normally buy things and then bury them in a hole in the ground. We buy them because we intend to use them, even if that use is just for decoration. Our things enable experiences, and our experiences require things.
The line between thing and experience has always been very blurry to me.
“Work hard and you will be rewarded.”
With more work.
My greatest regret in the store I work for, was being reliable.
3 and a half years in, I’m virtually worked to death. And my raise? A petty .25 one.
Yeah, so, anyone who says to me “if you work hard” or “hard work pays off” can royally go fuck themselves dry and hard, unironically.
Someone with your work ethic should be rewarded with increased compensation. Typically, however, that reward is delivered by taking a new job with a higher pay. Help yourself and go find a new job.
You’ve gotten a single 25 cent raise in 3.5 years? Jesus fucking christ. I don’t care if you did the bare minimum not to get fired, you deserve more than that. You are making less today than your did when you got hired factoring in inflation. And gesticulates wildly at everything.
Just ignore them.
Try telling that to someone who is being physically afflicted.
One of the worst, isn’t it? Blaming the victim in advance.
He’s just looking for attention. Paying attention to him makes him do more of the thing he’s already doing, so if he’s doing a thing and you’re paying attention, it’s actually your fault now because circular reasoning works because circular reasoning works.
It also sends a message that there’s no point in bringing up things that bother you. A kid raised on “just ignore them” may internalize that they shouldn’t talk about their problems, since nobody’s going to help them anyway. Then someday they may end up in a work force where they don’t bring up issues to management that could totally be resolved with a simple conversation. Worse yet, if they have a beef with someone and the other person speaks to management first, they’ll immediately be put on the defense simply because they didn’t say anything sooner.
Use AI.
For me I think growing up constantly told “you’re so smart, you’ll figure it all out” was more detrimental than helpful. It led me to believe I’d cruise through life pretty easily. I’m happy with where life’s taken me and the point I’m at now but I could’ve gotten there a lot faster if I would’ve applied myself more. Just because a kid is into computers doesn’t mean they’ll be some sort of genius.
I can’t stand this one. Like, yes, I can figure out a lot of things for myself. But if I’m asking someone for help, it’s because my own resourcefulness has reached its limit and in this situation, I need assistance from others. That is, if I could figure out a solution on my own, I would’ve done so. The whole point of bringing up the issue was an attempt to get help for it.
“She’s your mother! Show some respect” <- friends and family after every toxic, manipulative, narcissistic thing that woman did. The eternal free pass.
Samesies.
She had 4 kids. I was the middle one until the last one came about 15 years later than most of us, with a different dad.
Didn’t care much after that. I moved out at 15 to my dads.
You know how it’s a meme and whatnot that parents always want you into the best schools possible? Well I had basically an above 9 GPA on a 4-10 scale in the best school in the country and my mom pulled me out to put me in some rural cousinfucker school because she wanted to move because she met a wealthy man and they couldn’t wait two fucking years while not living together. Despite the drive being like an hour between them.
Literally had a teacher in that school tell me I could be a surgeon, when I was the first in a decade to extract a perch’s swimbladder without puncturing it.
To this day mom won’t even talk about it. And if she does she basically just avoids taking any responsibility, saying “everyone makes their own choices”. Well bitch, I was underage. You were making them for me.
And she’s supposedly a college level graduate social worker, which just adds to the irony.
“Be yourself” in regards to dating.
I don’t know about most people, but I was an absolute asshat in my twenties.
If I had to rephrase that for myself, it would be to read a bunch of books, work out, and learn to be more socially acceptable so people can tolerate my stupid ass and actually want to date me.
(fyi that was like two decades ago and I’m happily married with two kids. )
I still think it’s good advice FOR DATING.
If you’re a pile of shit, then regardless of if you’re dating, married, or single you should be taking active steps to learn and grow into the best version of yourself. “Be yourself” is not an instruction to stagnate.
Specifically for dating, don’t invent a personality or persona. IF the person falls for you, they didn’t fall for you… they fell for a fabrication. For someone who doesn’t exist. That’s a super shitty thing to do to someone else.
“Pretend to be the person someone else wants you to be for the express purpose of getting them emotionally invested in you” might be the most toxic advice there is. It disregards the agency of the other person. It disrespects them entirely. It implies the ends justify the means.
I would re-tool it as “be a better version of yourself” instead. So, sounds like you practiced that method than the vague one.
I like that a lot! Thank you!
I’d rephrase it to “be your best self” … you know that you can take better care of your appearance, ask attentive questions, chew with your mouth closed, etc.
It’s a question of effort.
This is a double edged sword. You shouldn’t put a ton of effort into your dating self if you’re not prepared to keep that up for the rest of your life, otherwise you’re just screwing your spouse. I’m so so glad I put very little effort into masking/ lying about who I am when I dated my spouse. I was just honest. I hate cooking. I’m hard to get ahold of/ don’t answer messages quickly. I don’t want to own a dog. Now that we’re 7 years in, I don’t have to let him down by saying a dog is too much housekeeping for me. I told him that on date 2. He on the other hand definitely presented his best foot, which was disappointing 5 years in when he could no longer keep it up. He’s messy, he apparently really wants a dog, and he also hates cooking, none of which i knew until long after we married.
Yes, absolutely.
The mature thing is to recognise that you don’t want to live in a dirty home and smell bad … and to realise that means you need to put in half the effort needed to accomplish that (assuming a partnership of two people under one roof)
To me it means be genuine vs being fake. Acting like someone you aren’t to get a partner only results in having a partner that you don’t have a real connection with, and who values you for qualities you don’t actually have.
Well yes … but I’ve met many men who, when being themselves, were simply putting in zero effort. And they were oblivious to it.
Sometimes it takes someone to come in from outside and give them a shove jn the right direction.
Absolutely this. I currently know a guy who is a fully grown adult who loves Asmongold and flips out at why he can’t get a girl to look at him.
I don’t know what that is, sorry!
“Be yourself. And then make sure “yourself” is someone people want to be around.”
This one is hard because it also depends on what “you” (the person receiving this information) considers is good.
I think about the manosphere and those frail babies are surrounded by ego cucks.
