I’d rephrase it to “be your best self” … you know that you can take better care of your appearance, ask attentive questions, chew with your mouth closed, etc.
This is a double edged sword. You shouldn’t put a ton of effort into your dating self if you’re not prepared to keep that up for the rest of your life, otherwise you’re just screwing your spouse. I’m so so glad I put very little effort into masking/ lying about who I am when I dated my spouse. I was just honest. I hate cooking. I’m hard to get ahold of/ don’t answer messages quickly. I don’t want to own a dog. Now that we’re 7 years in, I don’t have to let him down by saying a dog is too much housekeeping for me. I told him that on date 2. He on the other hand definitely presented his best foot, which was disappointing 5 years in when he could no longer keep it up. He’s messy, he apparently really wants a dog, and he also hates cooking, none of which i knew until long after we married.
The mature thing is to recognise that you don’t want to live in a dirty home and smell bad … and to realise that means you need to put in half the effort needed to accomplish that (assuming a partnership of two people under one roof)
To me it means be genuine vs being fake. Acting like someone you aren’t to get a partner only results in having a partner that you don’t have a real connection with, and who values you for qualities you don’t actually have.
I’d rephrase it to “be your best self” … you know that you can take better care of your appearance, ask attentive questions, chew with your mouth closed, etc.
It’s a question of effort.
This is a double edged sword. You shouldn’t put a ton of effort into your dating self if you’re not prepared to keep that up for the rest of your life, otherwise you’re just screwing your spouse. I’m so so glad I put very little effort into masking/ lying about who I am when I dated my spouse. I was just honest. I hate cooking. I’m hard to get ahold of/ don’t answer messages quickly. I don’t want to own a dog. Now that we’re 7 years in, I don’t have to let him down by saying a dog is too much housekeeping for me. I told him that on date 2. He on the other hand definitely presented his best foot, which was disappointing 5 years in when he could no longer keep it up. He’s messy, he apparently really wants a dog, and he also hates cooking, none of which i knew until long after we married.
Yes, absolutely.
The mature thing is to recognise that you don’t want to live in a dirty home and smell bad … and to realise that means you need to put in half the effort needed to accomplish that (assuming a partnership of two people under one roof)
To me it means be genuine vs being fake. Acting like someone you aren’t to get a partner only results in having a partner that you don’t have a real connection with, and who values you for qualities you don’t actually have.
Well yes … but I’ve met many men who, when being themselves, were simply putting in zero effort. And they were oblivious to it.
Sometimes it takes someone to come in from outside and give them a shove jn the right direction.
Absolutely this. I currently know a guy who is a fully grown adult who loves Asmongold and flips out at why he can’t get a girl to look at him.
I don’t know what that is, sorry!
“Be yourself. And then make sure “yourself” is someone people want to be around.”
This one is hard because it also depends on what “you” (the person receiving this information) considers is good.
I think about the manosphere and those frail babies are surrounded by ego cucks.