The day that my 18 year old cat had to be put down. That morning, I pulled up a video of birds for her to watch, same as most other mornings. And seeing her watching the birds as if nothing was wrong, knowing that it was the last day I would spend with her, that fucking broke me.

Prior to that, I think I hadn’t cried in over 20 years.

I stopped crying at 8 (because I was told to man up) and I’ve cried probably a handful of times since then. I’ve been working pretty hard on it and the first time I sobbed as an adult was so freeing. I haven’t gotten it back since, and I still get stuck in the stone face mode most of the time. I got pretty close watching “no other land” which was a devastating watch.

As a guy there is also a lot of shame and fear around crying. Especially around women. I’m scared of having my partner get the ick and not feel like I’m manly enough to be attractive and dominant anymore. I’d have an easier time crying around men because even if they don’t think I’m very manly, that’s not a big part of my social personality. At work of course it would be completely devastating…

I’m trying to make sure my kids all feel comfortable crying regardless of gender. Of course there is only so much you can do against social norms.

On an episode of a hospital-based show, a little girl (like, 8 or 10) drowns in a pool and effort to resuscitate fail. That didn’t get me, even with the parents crying. The girl has a sister, who is making a card for the girl who has already been declared dead. Sad, but didn’t get me. Sister explains that the girl died saving her, since she fell in the neighbor’s pool trying to get a ball, and the sister jumped in, pushed the sister out, and then couldn’t get out herself, and eventually drowned.

And I got slammed with a real-life memory. I work in Search and Rescue, and one case my station had over a decade ago was a pair of children that got swept out to sea. Only the younger brother survived. Because the sister spent the whole time keeping him above water, and ended up exhausting and drowning herself. I try not to think about it, because it fucks me up really bad, and especially because now I have a daughter and a younger son. That scene dredged that up real hard, real fast.

I cry almost daily.

Started getting this way when my wife passed. Now tons of things trigger it.

What happened to you happened to me with a great uncle when I was in my teens. He was a good person and tried to protect me from some of the BS that was happening. He had esophageal cancer. It took al long time before I broke down and when it happened I was on a small summertime school group trip. I was outside of a restaurant alone and no one knew. It was odd for me because I always took loss very hard and have since that point but I was mainly just numb.

Yesterday when I touched the cast paw print of my bestest boy. A post from someone else made me remember him. I was crying from losing him and also looking up old videos of him being cute and silly.

I have BPD. The wrong song comes on the radio, I’ll cry. I end up crying at least once a day.

I got made fun of for crying when my grandfather died. Over 30 years ago. So I stopped.

August last year, when my cat went into advanced stage kidney failure and I chose to have her put to sleep. She had stopped eating and didn’t have the strength to support her own head at that point so not a difficult decision, but still very hard to accept.

I don’t think I have cried for my own sake in a decade at this point, just can’t. I cry at sad or emotional scenes in media and for other people, but can’t do it for my own stuff. Haven’t cried when my grandparents died, although I loved them both, or when our family dog had to be put down.

I watched the new Malcolm in the Middle.

UPDATE: I finished reading all the comments.

When my mom died was the last time full on sobbed

Almost every single day. My life took the fun house mirror approach to living and I’m not handling it well, or recovering.

It depends on your definition. If you mean tearing up, it was this past weekend. If you mean open sobbing, I think it was a few months ago. I want to cry all the time, but it’s actually very difficult to do, even when I’m upset. I wish I could turn it on when I feel like, but it just doesn’t work that way.

A few weeks ago when I watched interstellar again

The last time I completely lost it was when my dog died eight years ago. Before that would have been during my divorce, several times, back in 2010. And, just two years before that, when my mom died.