I have the feeling that a lot of people romantisie being the “dont talk about” part of the family but dont actually are ready to be what it takes to be a shamed member.

If you already tried therapy, going out oft your comfort zone, acting against what your boredom suggests you, try mushrooms or acid. If you dont feel ready to let go of control you can try MDMA first. Its not a solution but it can be an experience to show you there are possible other feelings to feel.

This is very risky so try everything else first!

Completly useless and unrelated tidbits of knowledge nobody asked for and wont be confirmed by sources.