I’m making this post on a throwaway anonymous account because I want to ask something about how my mind works that I’m deeply ashamed of, and I want to hear honest opinions of other people’s perspective - probably mostly men but ofc anyone is welcome to answer. I’m obviously a man, in my late 20’s.
It’s about seeing attractive people in public. I’m talking about seeing girls but I guess it applies to anyone you’re attracted to.
I know I’m not supposed to stare but I can’t help it. Little glances when I think they’re not looking, looking at their bum or chest or face or legs. I will change my walking route to innocently walk past them and steal another look. If they’re nearby it’s like they occupy my mind and I have to keep looking, and I keep thinking about them and picturing them nude and imagining putting my hands on them. Never interacting, never saying anything, never openly staring, but just internally in my head.
tbh it’s not even just attractive girls, it’s basically all girls. If any girl has walked past me in the street or the store or on a bus, I have almost certainly checked her out. When I’m driving my head will turn away from the road to look at a girl on the sidewalk as I pass. I went to the beach this weekend and I couldn’t keep my eyes in front of me because of all of the girls in bikinis, and some of them undoubtedly noticed me looking.
It’s like I’m constantly scoping out everyone in my vicinity at all times, and always looking at their boobs and bums semi-consciously, and I can’t really stop. I know it’s horrible and creepy, and it probably makes them uncomfortable, but I kind of let it happen anyway. And I can’t even say why really… it’s not like I get pleasure from looking at them, or that I’m looking for someone who I could approach or anything. There’s literally no reason for it. It’s just this passive activity that my brain automatically does to all girls at all times. And… I will pick a different route to walk along a more busy street just because I know there will be more girls to look at.
When a guy walks past I probably couldn’t tell you what he was wearing, or his hairstyle, or what he looks like. I don’t notice. But when a girl walks past I notice all the details of her appearance, her body shape, her boobs in particular, her hair and face. I’m kinda disgusted by this aspect of my mind.
Obviously I know people find other people attractive and check people out. But… is it this constant for everyone? Are you unable to keep your eyes and mind away when someone attractive walks past? Does looking at others’ bodies constantly occupy your mind when you’re in public? Or am I just so starved that it’s broken my brain? Is this internal obsession with girls’ bodies just what it’s like to be a straight guy… or am I different??
Wear dark sunglasses when possible.
Weeeell… I have only known two kinds of people, those who take a look, and those who lie. I guess I haven’t met many asexuals in my life yet. If you want to have fun, try hanging out at a social spot like the park, pool, cafe or whatever, and watch people watch people.
Don’t be creepy, don’t stare, don’t make someone else uncomfortable, that goes without saying. One glance is a compliment, 10s of staring is bad. Time and place matter as well, someone who wears clothing that stands out at a place where it could be expected to stand out, well, can expect to stand out. There were two guys in crop tops at the gym the other day, and man, those sixpacks had me question my sexuality for a second.
As with all things, if it makes you stop enjoy life, or not be a good part of society, your social circles, family, job and so on, take steps to correct it, obviously, because then it crosses over into compulsive or addictive territory.
And, as a last thing, you are more than the little voice inside your head. That little voice is not going to go away soon, but there is more to life than being horny. Captain of your soul and all that shit. Enjoy your libido to the fullest when you can, tell it to fuck off and shut up when inappropriate.
I will change my walking route to innocently walk past them and steal another look.
Yeah that’s something you should probably stop doing. People notice, and it might not look as innocent as you might think. Many among them will act as if they didn’t notice in order to avoid a confrontation. Just stay on your route please.
Women notice. This is marked down as predatory behavior, even subconsciously, and you’ll lose any respect you’d get in social or work relationships with the women who notice.
You sound a bit thirsty but otherwise reasonably normal.
An appreciative, furtive glance is received vastly different to a lecherous stare. Be aware of what your face is doing.
If a girl even remotely suspects a man is following her then 99.9% of the time you will cause terrible fear. It’ll never occur to her that you were just temporarily detouring to appreciate an ass so fine you want to build a temple for it.
Remember that the world in your head and the world outside your head are different places with different rules. Outcomes can vary.
Having a quick glance at something that attracts you is normal. Being sneaky about it is where the behaviour needs to be corrected, or, at least questioned. I think you’ll be okay in the long run as you seem to posses self-awareness, which a lot of people have not cultivated in themselves. You are different in exactly the same way that everyone else is.
Try talking to a sex therapist.
Or a therapist in general.
It’s called hypersexuality and is a symptom of many different things.
You had me up until you said you would change your route.
I see a nice ass, I’ll take another look. I won’t alter course to walk past again though. I feel like that needs addressing.
Yeah, I’ve maybe followed a nice bum like a few steps (there’s a reason I tend to pick the woman if games offer a choice), but changing routes is pretty creepy, and I’d be way creeped out if I were her and noticed.
I am in full agreement. That’s where I stopped for a moment.
I dunno. I’d follow the hypothetical Queen Amelie of Assington around all day if my own ass wouldn’t fall off.
Because of course I’m Regent Lump of the Lowlands. I guess if we’re playing monarchy.
You know that phenomena where you buy a yellow car, and then you suddenly see yellow cars everywhere?
Brains are really suggestible.
You don’t need to be ashamed, if your brain has gotten into a habit you don’t appreciate, or is negatively affecting your life, it’s something you can work on.
Gals are pretty, I’m not attracted to them, myself, but I absolutely get it.
What you want is to feel like you’re in control of enjoying looking, and not that it’s a compulsion, like it’s driving you. That’s gotta be almost taking all the pleasure out of it for you. I could imagine that would be hugely annoying.
Just start by noticing other things, go out specifically to see something, birds, trees, bugs, water, boats, whatever you find interesting, and start retraining your brain towards something else, if you try “not” to look at something, it’s still the main focus, if you try not to look at girls, the focus is still girls, it’s easier to help your brain notice other things. Count how many of something you see. Just let your brain notice girls as you go, notice what it’s telling you and then move back to what you were looking at redirecting towards.
You don’t have to do what your brain tells you to do, you aren’t your “thinking brain”, you are the entity that observes your thoughts, you might be inadvertently feeding those thoughts into a bigger thing than you want them to be, by actioning on them. I would suggest, try not walking or actioning them. That feeds that wolf, which is perfectly normal and fine, but hes just gotten a little too much for the space you want him to occupy.
This is all ok, its a perfectly normal, developmental stage. It will calm down on its own, too, don’t stress.
A look or two is normal. Looking at sexy people scratches the feelgood brain bits. Changing your path to gawk is getting a bit sketchy. You should probably masturbate a bit more often, or better yet, find someone to share orgasms with. You’re craving it.
I’m going to be honest that your “infatuation”, as it were, with all women seems fairly extreme to me. I do look at all people as they go by, and might think to myself “damn, she was cute”, but for me that’s about it. I might steal an extra look, but only rarely.
As you say yourself, you think they notice and I think you’re right. You also mention that you don’t like it but just “let yourself get away with it”. Maybe it’s worth trying to not let yourself get away with it? Make a conscious effort to stop? Self improvement is possible and even quite rewarding at times! And self control doesn’t come naturally to the rest of us either. I wouldn’t think this kind of behaviour is particularly healthy for you, but that’s just my two cents. Best of luck!
you’re just spiritually italian or french or sth xD
seriously though, idk. i think it has to do with age or sth, i think it does get less with age? i’m not sure.
assume you are doing a " feral gaze" some people might catch you doing that, and get creeped out and will snatch you dirty looks, i advise dont do that. its the staring and potential low-key following that is a little creepy. if you stare more than a few seconds , or start following them as you said its lowkey you need to avoid doing that. because now you might be seen as a suspicious person to avoid. intentionally passing by them or following is a little to strong beyond just gazing. do you watch porn alot or at all? or anything related to porn. ive seen this in other forums where they cant stop thinking about sex, opposite or same sex when they indulged too much on porn, it just increases thier urges. assuming you arnt doing that that. the first thing is probably stop following them or going near them, just to get another glance at them.
i dint mention, but the longer you glance at them, they will notice that someone is watching them instinctively and they would look up often in your direction and start acting wierd around you. if this is bothering you too much, you might want to see someone about it, or if too embarrsed try to find a forum with others that have similar experiences.
I mean I assume you don’t have much sex or a girlfriend or anything.
In that case, at least from what I know from myself or my friends, this desire to look is completely normal. I think you might follow that desire a little bit too much (as it is something you can control), but the base feeling you have is something most men experience.
Your nature is telling you to approach women and have sex with them. For some reason, you don’t, maybe because you’re scared, socially anxious, people have told you being sexual is terrible, whatever. This part of your nature is very strong, and as it seems the only thing left for you is looking, of course you’re going to want to do it.
If you actually approach women and have a healthy sex life, that desire probably goes down, but of course now you’ve also made it a kind of compulsive habit, so it might be hard to break.
It’s honestly quite ridiculous to me that you’re ashamed of looking at sexually attractive people. Despite what some radical feminists or whoever will tell you, just looking and being sexually attracted is nothing shameful. It’s more likely that this shame itself is causing the issue, since you’re sexual, yet that is for some reason shameful so you can’t satisfy it, causing you to have more of a sexual desire since you have so little of actual action.
Sexuality is our main drive, it is constant, and there’s nothing wrong with it as long as you inquire about people’s boundaries and respect them.
Cis male who’s much older than you: you’re not alone, but my drive to do so has tapered over time. Polite society is, in large part, about overcoming primal caveman (or “lizard-brain”) urges. Primal urges are different for different people.




