The Hippocritic Oath

I swear by LinkedIn, “disruption,” and the invisible hand of the market that I will fulfill this oath to the best of my metric-driven ability.

I will critique my teachers for their lack of personal branding.

I will inform every patient that their illness is, ultimately, a failure of hustle culture, poor risk management, and not having a diverse investment portfolio.

I will refuse deadly drugs but will absolutely shame you for buying avocado toast instead of a high-deductible health plan.

Whatever house I enter, I will come for the sick — and leave a QR code to my Substack explaining how bootstraps could have prevented all of this.

I will not repeat what I see or hear in private — but I will monetize the general vibe as a case study in “choice architecture.”

If I keep this oath, may I achieve synergistic growth. If not… well, the market will correct you, not me.