Throughout my adult professional life, I’ve encountered people who have a (to me, at least) very curious way of interacting with other people. They look at individuals as ‘resources’ and relationships as ‘transactions’. Picture a spider’s web of contacts where ‘Bob’ is replaced with ‘has tools I can borrow’ and ‘Melissa’ is replaced with ‘can get me into my favorite club without a cover charge’.
I’m trying my best to articulate this. It’s like these people only create relationships based upon what material gains it can offer them. They aren’t really interested in the PEOPLE so much as the ADVANTAGE a relationship with them affords. Does that make sense?
Now to me, this is very bizarre. I just don’t think this way, but I’m told that it’s quite common - almost ‘the norm’. Is this true? If so, I’m really bewildered by it. What do y’all think?
This is how children see the world.
Usually, people develop beyond this and see the utility of having relationships that are defined by their social depth, shared experiences and values, and aesthetic qualities.
Look also at Kohlberg’s stages of moral development. (Sorry for the Wikipedia article link. But, still, it’s a start. If I can find a different resource, I’ll edit.)
The people youre describing are stuck at stage 2.
As someone with a 5-year old, please define “children,” because that is definitely not how they see their friends. They had one other child at 2.5 years, in preschool, who they both just naturally GRAVITATED to each other - not because they were getting anything out of it than mutual friendship. That friend has since moved away, devastating, and they do have other friends, but all other friendships pale in comparison. It’s been amazing to watch how true friendship will just blossom randomly in the world.