Throughout my adult professional life, I’ve encountered people who have a (to me, at least) very curious way of interacting with other people. They look at individuals as ‘resources’ and relationships as ‘transactions’. Picture a spider’s web of contacts where ‘Bob’ is replaced with ‘has tools I can borrow’ and ‘Melissa’ is replaced with ‘can get me into my favorite club without a cover charge’.
I’m trying my best to articulate this. It’s like these people only create relationships based upon what material gains it can offer them. They aren’t really interested in the PEOPLE so much as the ADVANTAGE a relationship with them affords. Does that make sense?
Now to me, this is very bizarre. I just don’t think this way, but I’m told that it’s quite common - almost ‘the norm’. Is this true? If so, I’m really bewildered by it. What do y’all think?
There’s a difference between people who are great to know because of their utility and being their friend because of it. That being said, in business it often is reduced to that. I think lots of business folks blend the line too much with the salesman approaches, playing golf, celebrating client milestones, etc. In some ways the people around you are your pool of potential friends, so it’s not that weird, but anyone with a checkbox for a mechanic, an electrician, an accountant, etc, Is just a user.
I work around a lot of talented and knowledgeable people, many of them are masters of their craft, and it spans white collar and blue. It’s a great place to learn and have enthusiastic conversations as a hobbyist or novice to a master. I think us all helping each other out is kinda beautiful in its own way, but if I felt they didn’t enjoy helping me for free then I wouldn’t ask.
Please allow me to clarify - I’m not talking about people who help and share with each other as the regular course of a friendship. That’s perfectly normal and should be encouraged - that’s how community is supposed to work. What I’m talking about are the people who are like…um…well, professional ‘gold-diggers’, if you will. Their ONLY interest lies in what they can get out of you. ‘Users’ might be a better term, I guess.
In my whole 800+ org, I can probably only think of 3 or 4, but they definitely meet the description you prescribe. It’s mostly people who burn through departments, friends, and patience of their coworkers.