This is something I worry about happening if I get into a relationship and is probably one of the biggest reasons why I’ve never been in one, second only to the fear of these desires being rejected.
I don’t actually know what my behavior would be if I got into a relationship. I always just think, “What if it goes badly and I end up severely hurt?” That was always enough to deter me.
I feel way better than I did 2 years ago and I feel far less neurotic than I did just a few months ago, though. I can actually feel safe in some circumstances and I initiated a conversation with a stranger for the first time the other day, when I’ve been afraid to do so all my life.
I’m not sure that I can just get rid of my desire to be doted on and praised at least to some degree. But I’m hoping I can get to the point where I stop worrying about it so much.
I probably should have specified in the post that I’ve never had a partner before…
The context, in short, is that I was raised in an environment with a degree of emotional neglect so totalizing that it led me to believe that wanting affection and emotional support was an obscure fetish, and that this so-called fetish was the reason I was a broken person who could never be loved. (That’s why I’ve never tried to get into a relationship.)
Based on the replies I’m getting, I think it’s safe to say that everything I believed was a lie, one that stemmed from the emotional deprivation chamber of my childhood.
I like the point you make about communication. I definitely plan on communicating my most important needs upfront if I start dating. In childhood, I learned to fear my needs and never voice them because they would never be met, but now, I think I know better.