The article explains exactly what it did measure and what this does not mean:

Every number in this post describes attacker activity reaching GreyNoise sensors, not confirmed impact on third-party environments.

The latest open weights model from google might be a good fit for you. The 26B model works pretty well on my machine, though the performance isn’t great (6 tokens per second, CPU only).

Maybe try some TLS-based VPN? This should work almost anywhere, because it looks like a standard HTTPS connection.

Wireguard - even on port 443 - is special as it uses UDP protocol and not the more widely used TCP protocol.