Laptop is probably on a VPN, which will bypass your local DNS.

Nothing to apologize for! I wish they wouldn’t be cagey about their actual offerings. I’d recommend them more if I didn’t gain anything from doing so.

Gotcha. I’m doing everything I can to avoid spamming, but that’s kinda hard to do when OP has specifically asked for a service provider…

I know this link will work: https://my.racknerd.com/aff.php?aff=17772&pid=953

That’s for the 2gb/2cpu service I use. From low-end to high-end, pids 952 ($21.99/yr), 953, 954, 955, and 956($119.99/yr) are currently available.

What software should I use to actually do the forwarding/proxying?

I highly recommend Pangolin. It does exactly what you’re looking for: Establishes a tunnel between your home server and the VPS, to proxy services on your home network through the VPS.

It also automatically sets up LetsEncrypt certs for your web services, and provides an optional security layer so only authenticated users can get through the proxy.

You can also do TCP and UDP port forwarding for non-web services.

What’s a good VPS provider for this?

I use Racknerd. You will need an affiliate link to get a good deal. I would not recommend the services they offer directly; the prices are considerably higher. Pangolin’s quick-start guide has affiliate links for three services; I use the 2gb option. They have other options, but we’ll have to move to DMs.

That was a late-stage enshittification; it’s only been that way for a few years, and it was primarily used to suppress dissent.

It is absolutely not something we should be porting over to the fediverse.

Where do you get this idea?

Where do you get the idea that it is at all possible to stand up on your soapbox in the town square, addressing every Tom, Dick, and Harry, yet keeping certain members of the public from hearing your speech?

When I logout of my instance, you can’t distinguish me from any other anonymous user. I’m part of the anonymous masses. If you want to keep me from seeing your content, you can’t post it for the anonymous masses to see.

Facebook (and other proprietary, centralized services) give the impression that this can be done, but the way they are doing it is by refusing to show content to anonymous users. You can’t do that with federated services.