I think all my problems could be solved with a nice big glass of Window fluid or Antifreeze.

You can have you-milk on your cereal in the morning.

Yes.

Men are fully equipped to lactate. They just typically lack the hormones or stimulation to trigger it naturally.

sounds like the modern automobile is a treasure trove of delicious treats.

Anyone can lactate with a course of lactation inducing medication (of which there are several iirc)

Or with about 30 days of stimulation training, which basically involves using a pump on your nipples multiple times a day.