Hi everyone, I am writing this in hope to get some support. I have, quite literally, never lost a loved one. Yet.
I’ve been living with my partner for some time now, and we both take care of their cat. She’s the sweetest thing. They took her from the streets and they’ve done everything the vets ask. The poor cat was in a terrible state when they found it, but now over a year later she’s doing much better.
The problem is, the vets were always super upfront with this. She probably doesn’t have much time left. She had cancer and we had to have her ears amputated, but they said it was very likely to spread to other areas.
Recently we noticed her nose had the same stuff as her ears. And the only option is Chemo, which we agreed to not do it.
I know her death is inminent, and I am super scared. I’m gonna be heartbroken, but most importantly, my partner is gonna be as well. They have such a deep connections with animals, much stronger than anything I’ve ever felt or seen. I know our cat’s death won’t be “just a mascot passing away” for them.
So my question is, how do I support my partner when the time comes? How do I make sure that they don’t spiral into anything dangerous while making sure they keep up with uni? I’m very new to all of this. I’m not sure how impactful grieving is, I’m so scared :(
Everyone is different. Some people want space, some people need attention. The main thing is to ask them what they need.
Additionally, making sure they’re eating and drinking (water, not booze) is important too. Cook them a few meals. Remember, you’ll be grieving too, so don’t let helping your partner overwhelm you or override your own needs.
I’d ask a mutual friend (now) to check on you two, especially on the first day. Being around loved ones can be really helpful.
When I lost someone close to me, my wife hugged me while I cried. That was the best thing she could do. Being around family or friends also can be a good distraction, so you don’t get totally swallowed up by grief. You have to feel the sad feelings, but don’t let them consume you.
As for school, I don’t have any experience. I’d suggest maybe studying away from home, so they’re not reminded of the cat.
Good luck. You sound like a good partner, and a “helper”. From one helper to another: please don’t neglect yourself. Let yourself feel the feelings, bottling them isn’t healthy. Help your partner as best you can, but don’t be afraid to call in outside help.
You and the other poster have great advice. I would add to this for OP not be afraid to talk about them and try to remember the fun and good things, even though it will possibly make them cry. Get outside in nature as much as possible too. Having a memorial event helps as well, like planting something, leaving flowers somewhere, etc.
I’ll be sure to attend their needs. Sadly, we don’t have a friend close by yet, as we left our state to live together. There’s a couple of uni classmates that we vibe with, not sure if they are ready to call them friends, but I can ask. They HATE recieving external help tho, as they feel lile they don’t deserve it, but I’ll keep it in mind if we’re both struggling with getting through the day.