I’ve noticed that I often struggle to express what I actually mean during discussions.
Sometimes my main point gets lost because I phrase it poorly, use a weak example, or realize later that I misunderstood what the other person was saying. I often leave conversations thinking, “That wasn’t what I was trying to say.” or “I am not being taken serious.”
For those of you who used to have this problem:
How did you get better at expressing your thoughts? Did you practice in a specific way? How do you make sure you’re responding to someone’s actual point instead of what you think they mean? Or is it really just keeping your mouth shut if you aren’t knowledgeable about something.
It has gotten to the point that I find myself just not wanting to jump into the discussion, because I feel like that it’s more about who is right , than understanding and being understood.
I’d love to hear any advice or habits that helped you become a clearer communicator. Book recommendations are also welcome.
Lemmy doens’t have Social Skills community(that i can find) or anything so sorry for posting this in AskLemmy.
Reflections so far:
Be curious. Socratic method; phrase your statements as questions. It helps soften your dialogue quite a bit and makes the conversation a quest for discovery.
Try to formulate things simple. The simpler u can explain something, the better u understand it and the less words to be confused about for both parties.
Rhetorical Triangle: Ethos, Pathos and Logos
Write more. It forces u to think critical about things. And gives u the opportunity to reflect on your own opinions.
Don’t take yourself, or other people too serious.
In real life, I’ve found its better to just hold your ground. State your opinion, but make it clear you’re not changing it or looking to change others’. Contrived Example:
The only thing I’d maybe change is in your first reply maybe say “I don’t like pineapple on pizza” rather than a general statement, but I gave a messy example because real world conversations are messy. You can’t expect to say everything perfectly all the time.
Mostly in real life, people just want to have the conversation flow. If you make something a sticking point, it gets awkward. Even if it’s something you really really disagree with, like on a moral basis, just say you disagree and why. If people get defensive, just say something like “you do you” and drop it.
There’s this strange thing that happens, where simply the existence of an unresolved competing opinion, that isn’t antagonistic, does some magic psychology stuff I don’t fully understand. Over time your friends’ opinions will often shift to be a compromise. My theory is, it’s because they still want to be your friend, even with your different opinion, so their mind resolves the conflict in any way it can, which often means their position becomes more moderate. It’s not manipulation, you’re just holding your position and others shift around it.
You don’t have to “win” the debate. Just have your opinion survive the conversation relatively unchanged.