Are friends just supposed to be like a TV? You talk to them when it’s convenient for you and you can’t think of something else to do?
I’ve just realized all the people I thought were my friends only talk to me on their schedule, when they feel like it. I’m left on read for days, meetings are ignored, text message conversations just end abruptly until they get back from vacation…
Is this it? Is this what friendship is? Because I don’t want it. I don’t want to feel like I have people to rely on only to find out that I’m just a convenience for people.
Someone reaching out isn’t burdensome for me; I feel it’s only emotionally draining if someone calls back to back really quickly after a conversation or keeps me on the phone for over thirty minutes around meal times and I’m trying to exit the conversation.
What does feel risky for me is taking a chance to reach out to someone after a long time and they cut the connection entirely then and there. The relationship was likely severed a while ago but that confirms it in that moment. Much more often though it’s because that friend is from a specific time in my life and things have changed for them or for me and we haven’t really had a chance to sort out changed dynamics of the friendship. Missing/not reaching out during/after important things can sour some friendships too.