Dad beat the every loving fuck out of me for the simplest mistakes, refused to ever explain how or what I did wrong, just straight to hitting me. Then he left, so Mom had to take care of 4 kids on her own, so she was never home, too busy working to provide.

Dad came back at times, but he was always a horrid piece of shit to me until I was maybe a teen.

I cut him off this year, and started therapy (I’m 35 now). Turns out my sister and I were also sexually abused by him, she and I corroborated some memories that I always thought were bad dreams.

I’m healing, and getting past it, but in a lot of ways I feel like I’m starting from behind in life, never having had structure or order or someone to look up to till much later in life. But therapy is helping and little me is healing now. It’s a journey and I’m glad I’m taking it, and I’m glad to not be that horrid man to my children (though I definitely was too rough to begin with, having no idea what to do and only having my childhood to have learned from). I’m the calmest I’ve ever been. Find a good therapist and start healing. Talk through it with someone, it really does wonders to say all the shit you want and tell the names and things at an empty chair.

Next time I see the sperm donor will be at his funeral, to make sure he’s actually dead and gone. I think that’ll be really cathartic.

Honestly, since Baconreader finally stopped working even with patching, being reddit free has been incredible for the last month. Anxiety is way down, lemmy only really updates once a day for my feed, so I only scroll for maybe an hour, then it’s back to reading or writing or getting life in order.

I’m glad they continue to make their site worse and worse, it’s all the convincing I need to not go back to it. I like Lemmy overall more anyway, the people generally seem less black and white on every damn topic. Nuance needs a place in the world damnit.

The only part of reddit I still check is the OSRS sub because that’s where the majority of game updates are posted and I like reading discussions about update.

Thirteenth Step - A Perfect Circle. I’ve listened so many times start to finish, absolutely in love with it.